VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
babies were throwing up all over the place
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
