I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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