Someone shit on the floor
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
