using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
