We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
