4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
