Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
