Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
