Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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