she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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