You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
