Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
