I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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