i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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