Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Randomize
