She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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