guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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