Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
