I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do herpes really smell.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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