I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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