Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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