i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
