good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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