I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
