Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
