I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to stop coming to work sober
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
