No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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