my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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