a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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