Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
