OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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