Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
