don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
