i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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