1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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