Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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