i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
