Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
