i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
