Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
