I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
