Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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