I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
