omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like death gave me a hand job
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
