the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
