I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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