Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
