Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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