You're so nebulous sometimes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He felt like a one man threesome
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
