ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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