Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
