the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
