Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
